Mud in Your Eye


Oh rapturous spring has arrived, and while this might conjure images of flowers and warm weather for most, I’m laying low in Oregon where sunshine is a fickle mistress teasing us with brief glimpses of bare skin before hopping back into cold showers.

This extended gloomy weather is perfect for us crafters and schemers, no guilt in hiding out in the basement all day crocheting our sorrows, polishing the glue gun.  By mid May though I notice my comrades getting a little stir crazy, ready to show off finished winter projects, and bad-ass techniques they’ve perfected in the cold dark solitude.

Unshackled from the sewing machine the crafters break free like naked baby mole rats clawing out of isolated craft caves.  They emerge into a world exploding in color and scents, the libido of the season fully attacking their fragile psyches.  Unable to handle the assault and stimulation they launch into hyper ambitious mode and the next thing you know they are like rutting sheep calling out craft challenges all around town.

I too am hearing the sirens call of the crafty smack downs, and I’ll tell you what, I’m ready.  Late nights of sniffing glue and yarn bombing have me down to fighting weight. I’m an animal, a knitting machine ready to cut loose and meet you on the playground after school, pinking shears in hand.

To further demonstrate my awesomeness and because I’m in need of a stiff drink this afternoon… I’ve created an homage to the ubiquitous squelch under my boots and general sentiment to fellow crafters who think they can take me down… and because I’m such a good sport and all around winner, I’m willing to share the recipe… Here’s…

Mud in your Eye


1 large box cherry flavored jello

1 box chocolate instant pudding mix

1 cup milk

2 cups whipped cream

2 cups Stoli vodka

1 cup Coffee Liqueur- I prefer Godiva but assume you’ll go for the cheap stuff which would work fine too.

To Make:

Several hours ahead make the cherry jello as directed on box, substitute vodka for 1/2 of the water called for in recipie on box.  (should be two cups depending on brand).  Pour into fancy glasses and let set for about four hours.  Make the instant pudding according to recipe on box, substituting one cup of coffee liqueur for half of milk portion directed.  In a separate bowl beat the whipped cream into stiff peaks.  Add the pudding mix to the whipped cream in two batches, folding gently.  Can be served immediately or will keep for several days.  Garnish with shaved chocolate and fancy straw.

Drink if you dare fellow craft-a-holics.  Actually you'll need a spoon... but here's my challenge to you... a cocktail rebuttal.  I'd love to sample some tasty treat my bad mouthed friends are dishing out.  Send me your best (or your worst) and if it meets the low moral standards and high expectations of Criminal Craft's own Miss Demeanor, I'll print it here and say nice things about you all over the internet.